Row, Row, Row Your Boat

______________10______________

Can you coax your mind from its wandering

and keep to the original oneness?

Can you let your body become

supple as a newborn child's?

Can you cleanse your inner vision

until you see nothing but light?

Can you love people and lead them 

without imposing your will?

Can you deal with the most vital matters

by letting events take their course?

Can you step back from your own mind

and thus understand all things? 

Giving birth and nourishing,

having without possessing,

acting with no expectations,

leading and not trying to control:

this is the supreme virtue.

Verse 10, Tao Te Ching

_______________________________

Recently I got a job (yay!) and I've noticed an interesting trend among young adults my age who work. They seem to be more .... hmmm what's the word ... Centered. 

Centered, adj. : self-confident, goal-oriented, and well-balanced. 

(TheFreeDictionary.com) 

At 19-years-old, I'm supposed to have my whole life figured out, right? Wrongg. Quite the opposite, it seems things only get more confusing after graduation. We have all of these free choices we didn't have before ... where to live, who to spend our time with, what kind of work we want to do ... It's amazing. A completely structurized life dictated by the education system and parents disintegrates into an ebb & flow created by the choices we make.

Personally, I love this freedom. Living on my own for a year was the best feeling ever because I got to be completely independent and do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Yet what puts the solo rich kid at odds with the hardworking middle class student when starting out on this limbo period? 

Well for one thing, there's a smaller margin of error. For example, if Todd McRich loses his phone & wallet on some wild and crazy night out, he can easily replace them with a few phone calls. The loss of $50? A drop in the bucket.

Karen McMiddle however, different story.  Say she loses her wallet which holds $50 and her driver's liscense: Karen has lost her gas money for the week (gonna get a workout on dat bike yo) & now has to come up with $30 she doesn't have to replace her driver's liscense. But hey, she doesn't need to do that anytime soon because she can't afford to drive her car anyways. So yeah. 

The same situation, two completely different scenarios. People who work appreciate the little things a lot more, and don't need tons of money to be happy. It's like, a hard-working young student knows he or she is on the path to success .. so they're not really concerned with what everyone else is doing. 

I'm rowing my own boat, at my own speed. You feel me?

Xx Hugs & Lovin' xX 

       Anna

None But Ourselves

I love it when I have the house all to myself, & it's just me and my kitty. It's when I have this space to myself that I get inspired to do laundry or make a crazy cool mural on my wall. When someone is telling me what to do ... I just don't want to do it.

____________________8______________________

The supreme good is like water,
Which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

Verse 8, Tao Te Ching

_____________________________________________

I feel like this verse from the Dao particularly applies to my life up till this point. That has been my biggest weakness all along: comparing myself to others.

Like that was my problem in New York. I was more concerned & obsessed with other people's lives and accomplishments that the only time I left for myself was filled throwing a pity party. Grosss.

I remember this one time back on the east coast where I hadn't seen or spoken to my very best girlfriend, Luna, for two weeks. These two weeks hadn't been the best for me and I was angry with her for being absent during them. I marched over to her dorm ready to tell her off for being a bad friend & everything. When I told her that it had hurt me that I had been struggling with some overwhelming emotions and she wasn't around for support, she said, "I didn't realize you depended on me so much."

I was kinda taken a back. Not really the response I had been expecting, certainly not the one I would have given at the time, but you know what, there was truth behind Luna's words.

Why don't we depend on ourselves more? We are all equipped with the tools & life skills to make ourselves happy. Sometimes it just takes a little momentum, but creating/building that momentum is a positive action because we know those steps will lead to happiness. We need none others but ourselves to achieve joyful bliss.

Being in the company of others should increase good vibrations, not replace them.

Besides family, people will come and go for various reasons. Sometimes even family, actually. Your life is an open doorway that leads to other agents to come into your life & vice versa, yet ultimately you are the one who shapes your path. 

You will see through what you want to. 

xx hugs & lovin' xx

Let It Go

 

Stole this little bit from my Tumblr browse this morning, because it couldn't be more true at this point. I have this bad habit at looking at all of the mishaps that have happened along the way and honing in on the crap that it made me feel, rather than taking the lesson and moving on. If I'm going to move outta here and be alone with myself, living on my own and all that, I can't keep throwing a pity party for myself.  Things have to change.

One of the things that gets me trapped in this vicious circle is bad eating habits. Once I lose a little bit of weight, I get pleased enough to reward myself. Yet I make the mistake of rewarding myself more than once, and before I know it the weight is back on. Along with giving in to my sugar tooth comes a slow, sluggish energy that no amount of coffee can cure. This leads me to act lazy and cancel on appointments I would normally keep. 

Because I need to depend on myself right? A support system is great and all but you can just start throwing yourself at groups of people expecting them to clean you up. No, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and realize your worth so you can present yourself in the best possible light alwaysss. 

Don't worry about the haters, just focus on your motivators. Don't worry, be happy (: 

Affirmation to the Universe: I am getting a job today. I am getting a job today. I am getting a job today. 

xx Hugs & Luvin' xx

The Infinite, The Eternal

______________7______________

The Tao is infinite, eternal.

Why is it eternal?

It was never born;

thus it can never die.

Why is it infinite?

It has no desires for itself;

thus it is present for all beings.

The Master stays behind;

that is why she is ahead.

She is detached from all things;

that is why she is one with them.

Because she has let go of herself,

she is perfectly fulfiilled.

_______________________________

The Tao Te Ching

People come and go in our lives for various reasons. To some extent, we will never know the truth of that friendship, devastating break-up, or monstrous family intervention. These things don't explain to us very well what their purpose was, besides to mind fuck with us.

In every soul, there is pain. With that pain comes wisdom. It takes a thoughtful and mindful human being to convert their sorrow into something worthy. Not everyone in the world knows how to deal with difficult emotions, leading to attempts to self-medicate with sex, drugs, blood, money. Everyone has their own shit to deal with; everyone has their own fuckedupness to address.

fucked.up.ness, adj. : eternal thoughts, emotions, past and present experiences that contribute to the subconscious internal darkness that resides within each of us; a released negative energy that can consume a human being if they do not climb out of the subconscious dark, deep hole.

One of the little gnomes in my well of fuckedupness is named Tina. Throughout our middle and high school years, I aspired to be like this girl whom I called my best friend. She had the confidence of a 20-year-old, yet the maturity of a 10-year-old. Tina had her own shit to deal with but that's just it: she didn't deal with it. It's like there was this constant chaos occurring in her home life that later would negatively impact her to make stupid decisions, yet shrug it off. I felt the responsibility of almost mothering her, since after a time I was the last friend who stuck by her side regardless of the poor manner in which she treated me.

On a warm summer day last year, Tina texted me asking if our other friend could borrow my bike so they could head down the bike path to the beach. Tina asking me for a favor so she could hang out or do something with someone else was a regular thing for us - living down the street from me we spent enough time together for her to easily get annoyed with me. The friend this time though ... well I didn't really trust him with my beach cruiser. He was a rough and tumble boy (I mean, who knows what happened to his bike) and the bike path had a deep riverbed. Nuh uh, I thought, not gonna happen. So I made up some bullshit excuse ("Sorry, I need my bike today for errands").

Before I continue, let me preface by saying that a close friend of Tina's had passed away a couple of weeks before this in a freak car accident with some of the boys. So yeah, that happened.

Not expecting my "no" to be a big deal, I get really surprised and shocked when I receive a blast of texts from Tina calling me a priss, saying not to come over her house ever again -and boom- I'm out of her life forever. Whatthefuck?

In retrospect, I realize it was a good thing our friendship ended over such a mundane thing. Had Tina not had a text-breakdown, I perhaps wouldn't be recognizable today. She taught me so many valuable things about drugs, boys, self-confidence. But she was also a horrible friend, and turns out I'm not the only good person who was unexpectedly left from her life.

Funny thing is? I kinda miss her sometimes.

I don't know, it's like someone can do so many unforgettable things to you (make you feel ugly, put you down in front of others, disappear on you when you need them), yet all you remember is the person they were that made you happy at some point. She made me happy quite a bit: banished my insecurities, told me everything was gonna be alright, always had faith in me, believe I deserved better than our circumstances. I miss that.

Now I know that you can't force friendships. Creating a connection is something that happens organically and if your rush it ... well then it's ruined. It's a slow process, but you take those pauses to do things for yourself. Like write in your blog and try to learn things from your fuckedupness.

Go do yourself a favor and act on instinct. Every. Day.
Your gut is never wrong and your mind plays tricks on you.

xx Hugs & Lovin' xx

           Anna

With Silent Roars, She Let's Go

Why do we bother
With boys who aren't men
And laugh like little hens
At anything that is mildly, remotely,
Inappropriate or raunchy?
Where are the good men?

Who take you out on a date,
Don't dare to be late,
For fear you're left waiting?

When did it become okay
To get drunk & just say
All of those thoughts
Louder and rotten
Than anything sweet
He had said, now forgotten.

It's not okay to joke about me
It's not okay to make me feel like a fool
For having insurmountable dreams
And close in candor expectations.

I will wait.

I will wait until a man
(a MAN, not a boy)
Comes into my life
His words swift & nice,
His actions to match'em.

The struggle?
Oh it's real.
It's constantly there, picking at my heels.

A hungry lioness
Breathes inside me deep inside
She's been hunting for so long,
It's hard to deny,
That hunger, that aching
Deep down in her belly.
She wants to eat now,
Before the weather turns to jelly.

Juicy and thick,
The first bite is satisfactory,
Meaty and warm,
The second goes deeper.
Eager and wanting,
The prey kneels in surrender
In surrender to the lioness
And all of her splendor.

Confronted with two options
The lioness sticks her long neck out,
And back slowly into it's mane.

The zebra was alluring
The deer was endearing
And the elephant, well he was such fun
"Why I can't I just, stick with just one?"

An image she knows not
Sensation seems default,
More faulty the senses from all of the rot
Therefore she cannot.

Option two leaves her growling
When the lioness has been starving
For over 1095 sunsets and nightfalls
She knows she can't stall.

Claws retracted
Tongue still salivating
Pawsteps lead her to turn away from her prey
And away from the game.

Breathe that sweet anticipation,
Lioness darling
Don't let your haughty tracking
Begin to undo you.
Your essence is too great
To succumb to petty grumblings from your tummy
Meat is yummy

Yet the prey disgust me.
Have you ever seen them bathe in the dirt?
I have not and cannot
Let their feces unpure me
So quickly
Too quickly
For me.

Let go to of that girl
Who has only captured my toe.

xx Hugs & Lovin' xx

Anna

Art Propels Me

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

_________________2________________

When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.

Difficult and easy support each other.

Long and short define each other.

Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master

acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn't possess,

acts but doesn't expect.

When her work is done, she forgets it.

That is why it lasts forever.

__________________________________

I didn't mention this in my last post, but the version of the Tao Te Ching I'm working with is the Pocket Edition translated by Stephen Mitchell. Also, the Tao Te Ching contains 81 verses, to anyone not familiar with it.

My day started out mundane, but quickly turned otherwise as I decided to have happy accidents. Here's my own definition ©AnnaDTM:

happy accidents: a coincidence that wouldn't have otherwise occurred had you not been in a good mood; a common occurrence otherwise, yet heightened by the high state of mood the accidentee is in.

You know when you find yourself in a good mood, skipping down the yellow brick road, and all of a sudden your luck seems to be up? All the music on your iPhone shuffle seems to be aligning with your mood, you have a great conversation with someone unexpected, that random stranger who you thought was cute smiled and said hi? All of those things happen in a beat and you get home thinking to yourself, "Wow, this turned out to be a pretty great day. I'm beat, I think I'll hit the sack early tonight."

It's like when we feel up and have no room for negative thoughts, our self-care is a little better, our work ethic a little cleaner. But in the end, you can't depend on random occurrences to make your day have a great ending. True happiness and satisfaction derives from within.

From within also lies the power to have a great day. It all depends on your outlook before you begin it.

Recently I found myself browsing a book at Barnes & Noble titled, "What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast" by Laura Vanderkam. I only was able to browse through it, but one main point that I got from the first few pages was the power of giving yourself mornings to regroup. All successful people lead busy lives, full days, and even fuller weekends. So when do they catch a breath? In the morning! At the very beginning of their day!

People work out first thing in the morning, and work happily without tiredness the rest of the day. Why? Because they already did one good thing for themselves today, so if they get stuck at work or in traffic and get home tired and late, they can happily down dinner and wine and knock out! No guilt, no trying to fit in things when you don't have the time or energy.

Now I know it's quite paradoxical of me to be writing this at 1:57 a.m., however I attribute this to my restlessness. Since I've returned home and haven't had the luck of securing a second job, nights have been restless for me. I don't do much during the day, thus in consequence I have a lot of energy to release at night. My Dr.Jekle & Hyde.

Regardless, take this wittle illumination of mine and comment below with your morning rituals. I'm becoming more and more inspired to be proactive in the morning, because I'm convinced a good morning = a good non-mundane day. Even stepping one step outside of your ordinary daily routine can be enough to bring interest into your day.

Good night & good day Sir/Miss.

xx hugs & lovin' xx

       Anna

Karma's Little Accidents

So this morning, I ate shit.

Let me rephrase that: as I was biking to work on this beautiful Monday morning, my chain slipped off as I was pedaling furiously, I lost control of the bike, and smacked my head (along with other bits) straight upon the pavement ending in a twisted heap with metal and limbs intertwined. 

Besides being shaken up & slightly embarrassed for the dad taking his daughter to daycare who stopped to peel me off the road, I'm thankfully all right.

What can I say. Shit happens.

Biking has been a big release for me since I've returned home. It's taking a good scuffing up for me to realize that I've been quite lucky to not have been in any sort of accident before now, with the amount of biking I do. Because after a Friday night of cattiness & craziness, it feels oh-so-good to wake up Saturday morning, jump on my cruiser, and hit the beach. So satisfying.

Karma, as defined by Merriam-Webster via online, reads as the following:

1. the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in it's ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence
                                                                      and/or

2. the force created by a person's actions that some people believe causes good or bad things to happen to that person


I believe that me almost ending up sportin' an eye patch as my new accessory, has something to do with that second bit. 

Why? Well, let's just say it's quick easy to be vain and egotistical when Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and texting bombard your every day life. I love it, I hate it,  whatever = I'm a part of this generation. It's inevitable that this culture will consume me.

Yet it's kinda scary thinking that my first thought this morning to start my week off was to catch an ultra-cool snapshot of me doing a challenging yoga pose at the studio. Then posting it to Instagram, and making everyone jealous because they can't do/wish they could do what I'm doing.

Whaaaaaaat.

When did our thinking come to this? Even in the days of MySpace we had a little more discrepancy. Didn't we?

Or maybe it's always been this bad and I'm just realizing it.

So to conclude, I'd like to share a new routine of mine, beginning today. I was inspired by Dr. Wayne Dyer's Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life CD Audio Set initially, and then other events in my life just kept pointing me towards this little book: The Tao Te Ching.

Every morning I'm going to read a passage, say it aloud, affirm it.... & attempt to put that passage into practice for the day. Also, besides this blog, I'm taking a little sabbatical from Facebook, Instagram ... all that crap. Selfie's + Stiches? Uh, no thanks.

Hopefully this exercise will humble me a bit more, and make me sense the appreciativeness one can have for one's own being. Loving oneself is first and foremost, one of our main priorities in life I think.

____________1_____________

The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.

______________________________

xx hugs & luvin' xx 

       Anna

Honestly, I Don't Know

Honesty. The quality of honesty is one I feel we all seek in other human beings. Especially when beginning new relationships. But what does being honest really mean? 

honest,  -adjective- : 1. good and truthful : not lying, stealing, or cheating.

                               
2. showing and suggesting a good and truthful character.

3. not hiding the truth about someone or something : not meant to deceive someone.

(via Merriam-Webster online)

They should add the word "purposely" to that last bit.

Now, let's be real. We've all been dishonest at some point. I know I have, because there are just some things people don't need to know. I'm for the most part a private person and don't go blabbing my business to anyone who will lend an ear or exposing parts of myself that opens up that door to vulnerability.

I try to avoid being vulnerable at all costs necessary.

But when it comes to the big things, I try my best to suck it up and just say it. Be direct, look'em square in the eyes, speak openly and honestly. Even if I'm terrified, even if every cell in my being is shaking, even if I have no idea how the person I'm opening myself up to will receive it or react. Because there have been one too many times I didn't clearly state whatever was on my mind, then looked back with regret thinking, "Hmm, I wonder if things would have turned out differently if I had told him how I really felt?" 

Sometimes it works out. The action of letting that word vomit come out can actually turn into a nice, empty stomach feeling. No butterflies, no spiders afterwards. With family, being truthful has always led to a good new direction. With friends, it can go either way. With boys, it can go astray. Fairly quickly too.

Honestly, I don't know what the value of being 100% good to someone is when they don't reciprocate it. Haven't quite pin-pointed the purpose of the detached goodness and grace Mother Teresa wore so well. Yet, to know that I didn't hold back and said everything there was to be said is a process that I'm working through. I think in the beginning of a new unstretched territory with a boy, I always go in with the awareness that I'm taking risks. I know that if I hold my gaze to his a little longer, he'll become curious as to why. I know that if I subtly make efforts to touch him at any opportunity, he'll become more comfortable touching back. Yet I also know that when it comes to words, I've been thinking about what I've been wanting to say for a lot longer than he has; thus when I speak I can articulate it, even if I'm shaking to the bone as I do. When he speaks, there will most likely be a lot more fumbling, pauses, "Um"'s "Fuck"'s & "I'm Sorry"'s. 

(Tip: Patience is an important virtue here as well, my friends. I know us girls like to talk, but if we just bite our tongues and shut up for a minute, the awkwardness will pass and he'll say something worth waiting for!)

I lastly know that in the end, I won't always get chosen. We don't always get what we want.

The value of goodness and truthfulness is as heavy as you amount it to be. I give honesty a heavy weight these days. Many people have proven incapable of carrying it, and have seen their way out of my life. But I don't regret holding high standards to this quality. You have to show me all the ways you're capable of being good before I can forgive the bad. Not about to be a sucker for companionship, or allow loneliness to wash over the clarity of my judgement.

No.

Stick to your guns. Go with your gut. And keep your head held high, regardless of all the shit that lies on the ground. It's easier to look down when there's something worth looking up for.

Comment below if any of you have any thoughts to share on this topic, I'd love to read'em.

xx Hugs & Luvin' xx 

Anna

Defeating the Mundane: What It's All About

It's when the air has become stagnant. When you can't differentiate today from yesterday. When you find yourself repeating the same words in response to commonly asked questions. When all your dreams from the past have been completed and it's time to start anew, yet there is nothing around you, object or person, single event or time shift, that motivates those new dreams to become a reality. 

That's the mundane.

Yet those dreams must become a reality. 

As defined by Merriam-Webster via online, mundane has two definitions:

1. of, relating to, or characteristic of the world

2. characterized by the practical, transitory, and ordinary: commonplace

Both are very relevant for this period of transition that I'm in. Being nineteen-years-young of the female variation, I made a very big decision last spring when I decided to leave university on the East coast. Now being back in the suburb of California that I grew up in, I've re-stationed myself for the next year and a half, until I can transition back out.

In order to keep the typical dullness of suburbia from creeping into my life, I have created this blog: Defeating the Mundane. I, just like many other lost young adults out there, am reaching a point in my life where I want to take hold of my youth while it still hangs in reach. I want to know that where I stranded on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, butt-naked with no other life surrounding me, I could survive because I don't need to depend on anyone other than myself.

Now, how to keep my sanity whilst a year and a half of my youth is secured to this small town?

That's what I'm venturing to find out.

Come along with me if you wish to defeat mundaneness as much as I & aim live a life where your Tumblr dashboard is your reality.

xx hugs & lovin' xx 

Anna