Post-Break Up Feels

I know what you're thinking.

"What ?? Already ??? But you said he was your first love!!"

I know. He was. And always will be.

But you have to find peace and love for yourself before you can share that love with anyone else. 
He's got some soul-searching to do.
I've done mine.

I haven't written about the break-up at all since it happened. I think a part of me is ashamed that everything just came crashing down in my face and I was blindsided. Like, I should have seen this coming, but didn't. Or maybe a part of me knew it wouldn't last so I was just clinging to the last few moments we would have together.

It was a nice thought, having a long-term relationship. But I'm over that now.

Don't take this as bitterness, as I'm sure a lot of you will. It's just when you meet your soulmate, you know there is no one else in this world you will want as much as him. 

I'll never meet anyone like you for the rest of my life... I need you.

But it doesn't work out unless they want you back. 

It's just I thought I would be with this guy for a while and now that I'm newly single again ... I don't know. I'm not eager to jump back into the fishing pool of the dating world. Dating is exhausting. So is being in a serious relationship. So for now I'm perfectly content to work on my things, my self, & my work until Prince Charming comes along. I'm pretty sure that won't be for a very VERY long while, so I'll just wait patiently.

Too high expectations? Maybe. But if I don't set them, then who will?

Inconceivable Time Lapse

Can't believe it

I can't believe I'm here

& not there.

Every second that ticks by in this room

"Plop", my brain stops producing new cells

Some teachers make me think that being a professor requires vanity.

Vanity to enjoy the sound of their own voice.

My youth is slipping away as I sit here.

Youth is perception.

It can have a fever of 110 degrees that envelops your body & mind.

Age is relentless.

It keeps coming & coming,

Not stopping to ask if we're ready

To advance to the next year

Step up, step down

Reach up, reach down

Can I still start over at 19?

22?

25?

When will the switch be turned

Oh, a huge ominous hand

Shaking it's stern finger at me

Telling me it's time to stop having fun

and grow up?

Grow up

Be young

Whichever way you've gone

I have to go different

Maybe I will grow up one day

Or maybe I'll remain

A trivial loop of finding myself

and starting over.

Come towards me, an unmistakeable

smirk

Believe my anxiety, with all that is your 

girth.

Can I placate this moment ?

Why do you slave me?

I have no magic touch,

no beauty.

You wanna be free

circling, rounding, pounding,

Teaasing, tickling, mumbling

Consuming

And I can almost guarantee in the morning I'll forget

All those beautiful words you uttered,

Under your breath

Blinding me, your love makes me forget.

<3

Defeating the Mundane: What It's All About

It's when the air has become stagnant. When you can't differentiate today from yesterday. When you find yourself repeating the same words in response to commonly asked questions. When all your dreams from the past have been completed and it's time to start anew, yet there is nothing around you, object or person, single event or time shift, that motivates those new dreams to become a reality. 

That's the mundane.

Yet those dreams must become a reality. 

As defined by Merriam-Webster via online, mundane has two definitions:

1. of, relating to, or characteristic of the world

2. characterized by the practical, transitory, and ordinary: commonplace

Both are very relevant for this period of transition that I'm in. Being nineteen-years-young of the female variation, I made a very big decision last spring when I decided to leave university on the East coast. Now being back in the suburb of California that I grew up in, I've re-stationed myself for the next year and a half, until I can transition back out.

In order to keep the typical dullness of suburbia from creeping into my life, I have created this blog: Defeating the Mundane. I, just like many other lost young adults out there, am reaching a point in my life where I want to take hold of my youth while it still hangs in reach. I want to know that where I stranded on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, butt-naked with no other life surrounding me, I could survive because I don't need to depend on anyone other than myself.

Now, how to keep my sanity whilst a year and a half of my youth is secured to this small town?

That's what I'm venturing to find out.

Come along with me if you wish to defeat mundaneness as much as I & aim live a life where your Tumblr dashboard is your reality.

xx hugs & lovin' xx 

Anna