Post-Break Up Feels

I know what you're thinking.

"What ?? Already ??? But you said he was your first love!!"

I know. He was. And always will be.

But you have to find peace and love for yourself before you can share that love with anyone else. 
He's got some soul-searching to do.
I've done mine.

I haven't written about the break-up at all since it happened. I think a part of me is ashamed that everything just came crashing down in my face and I was blindsided. Like, I should have seen this coming, but didn't. Or maybe a part of me knew it wouldn't last so I was just clinging to the last few moments we would have together.

It was a nice thought, having a long-term relationship. But I'm over that now.

Don't take this as bitterness, as I'm sure a lot of you will. It's just when you meet your soulmate, you know there is no one else in this world you will want as much as him. 

I'll never meet anyone like you for the rest of my life... I need you.

But it doesn't work out unless they want you back. 

It's just I thought I would be with this guy for a while and now that I'm newly single again ... I don't know. I'm not eager to jump back into the fishing pool of the dating world. Dating is exhausting. So is being in a serious relationship. So for now I'm perfectly content to work on my things, my self, & my work until Prince Charming comes along. I'm pretty sure that won't be for a very VERY long while, so I'll just wait patiently.

Too high expectations? Maybe. But if I don't set them, then who will?

I Gotta Good Feelin'

"No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater... The love we have for each other is greater than these small differences. And that's the key. It's like a pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot." - Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby 

For the first time in my life, I feel like I got my shit together. The school year has started, along with my new job, and along with my new boyfriend. I'm excited for my classes (geniunely) and my office job is super laid back. The only thing that's missing in my best friend who went away to uni this semester. She's only a couple of hours away, but that's a big difference from a couple of minutes away. 

Besides that I'm healthy, happy, and in love. Basically the only three things that really matter in life. I read a quote the other day that said a day not filled with smiles and laughter was a day wasted. I whole-heartedly agree in that.

Remember when your parent, mentor, or whoever told you that as long as you're happy, everything else will fall into place? Well it really is as simple as that. I remember just a little over a year ago when I was super depressed and just wondered when I would be let on as to the secret for happiness. Everyone else made it look so easy and I felt like Alice through the looking glass. It was such a mystery for me.

This year has been a momentous transformative year for me. I've finally become the person I've always wanted to be. And I AM this person, no faking til' I make it anymore. Once when I was having a fight with my mom, I felt like she didn't like who I was anymore because I had made a complete 180 degrees from who I was in high school. And it was heartbreaking for me, because my mom has always been the most important person in my life. I am who I am today largely because of her. Because she always encouraged me to pursue my dreams and never belittled me for the career paths I wanted to pursue creatively.

She always knew I was going to be okay. Then one day, I wasn't. And she didn't know what to do. And I didn't know what to do. So it just became this vicious cycle of depending on each other for emotional support when neither one of us was strong enough to deal with what was at hand.

I used to tell my therapist that I thought I would always live with depression. Even if one day I was happy, it would still be there. Because to me depression was this uncurable disease that no healthy person could possibly understand. Now, being completely at peace and happy with myself on the inside, I realize that statement is not true. Depression is a mental illness that can be cured through mental therapy. Exercising releases endorphins aka the neurons in your brain that make you feel happy. Seriously, once I started doing yoga on a regular basis, I almost immediately felt better. I had to work through some deep, dark emotions that I had been ignoring at first ... but once I was past that I was able to understand the beauty in simplistic aspects of life that we almost always take for granted. Traveling and visiting my family in less fortunate conditions has also made me more appreciative for the basic things such as hot water and a roof over my head.

Being with my first love only came to fruition once I realized that I didn't need him to be happy. That I am happy on my own. I love me. Once he saw that, he realized he wanted to be with me. He doesn't need me either, but both of our lives are filled with so much magical love by being in them.

Second Chances

Everyone is deserving of a second chance. I truly believe that.

& yet, it gets harder and harder for me to give them. Because if a person didn't fuck up in the first place, they wouldn't need a second chance, right?

Right.

I'm not gonna sit here and preach to you about having faith in people when there are times that I have felt I've lost all faith in people. Times where I've felt betrayed and stupid for depending on others, and revert back to relying on no one but myself.

But that only works for so long.

I will tell you this, if there's someone you're thinking about giving a second chance to. In life, you won't regret the things you did do. Only the things you didn't do. And that's a fact.

Short & sweet for today

xx hugs & lovin' xx

Anna

Standards vs Expectations

"Whatever it is you're seeking won't come in the form you're expecting." -Haruki Murakami

Being a nineteen year old girl, one of the most exciting things that happens in my life is when a boy comes along. It's what my friends and I talk about: "Let's go dancing, let's go party, let's go clubbing, oh hey did you see that guy walk in? He's cute."

Boys boys boys. It's on our minds constantly, our hormones just won't have it any other way. Besides it's interesting when something new sparks 'cause every person is different and you never know exactly what's going to happen. If THAT's not defeating the mundane, then I don't know WHAT is.

Yet thus far, none of these SoCal boys have seemed to stick. Either I get bored or they get bored or we both lose interest and mutually disconnect. So when I meet someone I really connect to, I have to be careful to maintain my usually cool-nonchalant-don'tcare attitude towards the whole dating thing, for fear I'll fall into a giggly, shy-girl version of myself who shows too much. And it's hard, because for some reason when we're attracted to someone, we lose all sense of self.

When true attraction and chemistry is present between two people, it's easy to get overwhelmed with all the emotions you're feeling, emotions that you're not even sure  you can define. I speak in general terms because I've spoken about this with many of my girlfriends, and they all feel the same.

If some girl who we really connected with walked into our lives tomorrow, would we drop everything after a two hour heads up to be with them?
The answer is no. This girl is a stranger who we barely know. We would take our time to build the friendship until we felt that girl had earned our trust and valued the friendship in a reciprocated way.

So why do we do this with boys? We forget, in the first few weeks of dating, they're a complete stranger too.

I emphasize this sooooo much because recently, a boy whom I was dating made me question my standards for a relationship. And by relationship I don't mean "boyfriend-girlfriend". I simply mean a friendship with a boy where it's obvious that you guys are both into each other.

I don't want to get into the nitty gritty but basically this boy did something which I considered completely rude and it really pissed me off. And I don't get mad easily -- ima yogi. I was really surprised by it too.

After I left him I rethought my actions and wondered if I had been too rash. But then I thought, "If he was my boyfriend, would I have let this slide?"

Uh, no. Definitely not.

If I wouldn't let my boyfriend get away with it, why would I let some guy I just met have a free pass?

My standards aren't unreasonable. I expect you to treat me with respect. That's it. If you can't do that, then byee. Not gonna waste my time with you when I know there's other guys out there who will.

Of course with any new relationship you might hope for your boy to do some special things. Be romantic, say sweet things to you, pick up the check, stuff like that. But those things are negotiable and different from person to person, ever person has their own unique way of showing affection. Those expectations you have for the guy you're dating may not be met, but that doesn't mean he can't surprise you in other ways.

In the end I feel I made the right decision by sticking to my guns, because I value myself too much as a human being to have anyone walk all over me. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, and one day this dude will realize how he fucked up. Will I be around when that day comes? Who knows. But I can tell you this, I'm definitely not waiting around for it. Salsa dancing with the girls tomorrow!

x Happy Hump Day x

            Anna

Hola, I'm Aliveee

Hi to anyone perusing this page right now.

If you've taken the time to scroll through some of my posts (thank you by the way) you'll see that this is my first post in a whileee, to say the least.

I'm back now! Let's just say that I wasn't living by the motto I created this blog by.

So I decided to take a little break and it did my wonders! For some reason the busier I am, the happier I am and the more conscientious I am about taking care of myself. I know, doesn't make sense but whatevs.

Lately inspiration has been hitting my from all angles and I'm excited to delve back into this little project I started.

For now I just wanted to update you guys as to my existence and leave you with a quote I read the other day that stuck to me like glue. I don't know where it's from so if you do, please comment down below!

" 'How does one become a butterfly?' she asked pensively.

                'You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.' "

Hugs & Lovin' xoxo

Anna

Trust My Soul

HI GUYS

Here's a poem I started a while ago and just recently added on to. Hope you enjoyyyyy...

Trust My Soul

Trust my soul

Trust it to keep things hidden

Trust it to hold truth

Trust it to want lies

Lies that will unveil the ways undeviated.

Touch your way into my soul

And you will definitely find darkness

Darkness that has gone unpenetrated by light

The biggest lie it craves

The sun goes up and I come down

The stars come out and I'm on the town

Out and about I can pretend I'm alright

My worth has been tied to the books so tight,

It takes all my might to step away

Take a breath, disconnect, let it fall to disarray.

These dreams, hopes, and plans I had

I had it all figured out, had it all in my head.

My determination and smarts had me living a dream

Then it turned to a nightmare, where things look worse than they seem.

Has it been 6 months already?

Damn how fast it goes

When you're sitting at home

Tired and alone

No motivation

To do what I do best.

And I can go on like this cause nobody could care less

No friends or family to make me aware

That I can better prepare, 

For my future.

That I can follow my passion,

Let that be my inspiration

To work hard and feel young

On my way to a life I'll feel I've won.

Yet it's hard to believe in that future

When I'm trapped in a sleepy town

Suffocating in Nostalgia.

Where darkness is all I see, all I breathe.

None But Ourselves

I love it when I have the house all to myself, & it's just me and my kitty. It's when I have this space to myself that I get inspired to do laundry or make a crazy cool mural on my wall. When someone is telling me what to do ... I just don't want to do it.

____________________8______________________

The supreme good is like water,
Which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

Verse 8, Tao Te Ching

_____________________________________________

I feel like this verse from the Dao particularly applies to my life up till this point. That has been my biggest weakness all along: comparing myself to others.

Like that was my problem in New York. I was more concerned & obsessed with other people's lives and accomplishments that the only time I left for myself was filled throwing a pity party. Grosss.

I remember this one time back on the east coast where I hadn't seen or spoken to my very best girlfriend, Luna, for two weeks. These two weeks hadn't been the best for me and I was angry with her for being absent during them. I marched over to her dorm ready to tell her off for being a bad friend & everything. When I told her that it had hurt me that I had been struggling with some overwhelming emotions and she wasn't around for support, she said, "I didn't realize you depended on me so much."

I was kinda taken a back. Not really the response I had been expecting, certainly not the one I would have given at the time, but you know what, there was truth behind Luna's words.

Why don't we depend on ourselves more? We are all equipped with the tools & life skills to make ourselves happy. Sometimes it just takes a little momentum, but creating/building that momentum is a positive action because we know those steps will lead to happiness. We need none others but ourselves to achieve joyful bliss.

Being in the company of others should increase good vibrations, not replace them.

Besides family, people will come and go for various reasons. Sometimes even family, actually. Your life is an open doorway that leads to other agents to come into your life & vice versa, yet ultimately you are the one who shapes your path. 

You will see through what you want to. 

xx hugs & lovin' xx

Let It Go

 

Stole this little bit from my Tumblr browse this morning, because it couldn't be more true at this point. I have this bad habit at looking at all of the mishaps that have happened along the way and honing in on the crap that it made me feel, rather than taking the lesson and moving on. If I'm going to move outta here and be alone with myself, living on my own and all that, I can't keep throwing a pity party for myself.  Things have to change.

One of the things that gets me trapped in this vicious circle is bad eating habits. Once I lose a little bit of weight, I get pleased enough to reward myself. Yet I make the mistake of rewarding myself more than once, and before I know it the weight is back on. Along with giving in to my sugar tooth comes a slow, sluggish energy that no amount of coffee can cure. This leads me to act lazy and cancel on appointments I would normally keep. 

Because I need to depend on myself right? A support system is great and all but you can just start throwing yourself at groups of people expecting them to clean you up. No, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and realize your worth so you can present yourself in the best possible light alwaysss. 

Don't worry about the haters, just focus on your motivators. Don't worry, be happy (: 

Affirmation to the Universe: I am getting a job today. I am getting a job today. I am getting a job today. 

xx Hugs & Luvin' xx

The Infinite, The Eternal

______________7______________

The Tao is infinite, eternal.

Why is it eternal?

It was never born;

thus it can never die.

Why is it infinite?

It has no desires for itself;

thus it is present for all beings.

The Master stays behind;

that is why she is ahead.

She is detached from all things;

that is why she is one with them.

Because she has let go of herself,

she is perfectly fulfiilled.

_______________________________

The Tao Te Ching

People come and go in our lives for various reasons. To some extent, we will never know the truth of that friendship, devastating break-up, or monstrous family intervention. These things don't explain to us very well what their purpose was, besides to mind fuck with us.

In every soul, there is pain. With that pain comes wisdom. It takes a thoughtful and mindful human being to convert their sorrow into something worthy. Not everyone in the world knows how to deal with difficult emotions, leading to attempts to self-medicate with sex, drugs, blood, money. Everyone has their own shit to deal with; everyone has their own fuckedupness to address.

fucked.up.ness, adj. : eternal thoughts, emotions, past and present experiences that contribute to the subconscious internal darkness that resides within each of us; a released negative energy that can consume a human being if they do not climb out of the subconscious dark, deep hole.

One of the little gnomes in my well of fuckedupness is named Tina. Throughout our middle and high school years, I aspired to be like this girl whom I called my best friend. She had the confidence of a 20-year-old, yet the maturity of a 10-year-old. Tina had her own shit to deal with but that's just it: she didn't deal with it. It's like there was this constant chaos occurring in her home life that later would negatively impact her to make stupid decisions, yet shrug it off. I felt the responsibility of almost mothering her, since after a time I was the last friend who stuck by her side regardless of the poor manner in which she treated me.

On a warm summer day last year, Tina texted me asking if our other friend could borrow my bike so they could head down the bike path to the beach. Tina asking me for a favor so she could hang out or do something with someone else was a regular thing for us - living down the street from me we spent enough time together for her to easily get annoyed with me. The friend this time though ... well I didn't really trust him with my beach cruiser. He was a rough and tumble boy (I mean, who knows what happened to his bike) and the bike path had a deep riverbed. Nuh uh, I thought, not gonna happen. So I made up some bullshit excuse ("Sorry, I need my bike today for errands").

Before I continue, let me preface by saying that a close friend of Tina's had passed away a couple of weeks before this in a freak car accident with some of the boys. So yeah, that happened.

Not expecting my "no" to be a big deal, I get really surprised and shocked when I receive a blast of texts from Tina calling me a priss, saying not to come over her house ever again -and boom- I'm out of her life forever. Whatthefuck?

In retrospect, I realize it was a good thing our friendship ended over such a mundane thing. Had Tina not had a text-breakdown, I perhaps wouldn't be recognizable today. She taught me so many valuable things about drugs, boys, self-confidence. But she was also a horrible friend, and turns out I'm not the only good person who was unexpectedly left from her life.

Funny thing is? I kinda miss her sometimes.

I don't know, it's like someone can do so many unforgettable things to you (make you feel ugly, put you down in front of others, disappear on you when you need them), yet all you remember is the person they were that made you happy at some point. She made me happy quite a bit: banished my insecurities, told me everything was gonna be alright, always had faith in me, believe I deserved better than our circumstances. I miss that.

Now I know that you can't force friendships. Creating a connection is something that happens organically and if your rush it ... well then it's ruined. It's a slow process, but you take those pauses to do things for yourself. Like write in your blog and try to learn things from your fuckedupness.

Go do yourself a favor and act on instinct. Every. Day.
Your gut is never wrong and your mind plays tricks on you.

xx Hugs & Lovin' xx

           Anna

With Silent Roars, She Let's Go

Why do we bother
With boys who aren't men
And laugh like little hens
At anything that is mildly, remotely,
Inappropriate or raunchy?
Where are the good men?

Who take you out on a date,
Don't dare to be late,
For fear you're left waiting?

When did it become okay
To get drunk & just say
All of those thoughts
Louder and rotten
Than anything sweet
He had said, now forgotten.

It's not okay to joke about me
It's not okay to make me feel like a fool
For having insurmountable dreams
And close in candor expectations.

I will wait.

I will wait until a man
(a MAN, not a boy)
Comes into my life
His words swift & nice,
His actions to match'em.

The struggle?
Oh it's real.
It's constantly there, picking at my heels.

A hungry lioness
Breathes inside me deep inside
She's been hunting for so long,
It's hard to deny,
That hunger, that aching
Deep down in her belly.
She wants to eat now,
Before the weather turns to jelly.

Juicy and thick,
The first bite is satisfactory,
Meaty and warm,
The second goes deeper.
Eager and wanting,
The prey kneels in surrender
In surrender to the lioness
And all of her splendor.

Confronted with two options
The lioness sticks her long neck out,
And back slowly into it's mane.

The zebra was alluring
The deer was endearing
And the elephant, well he was such fun
"Why I can't I just, stick with just one?"

An image she knows not
Sensation seems default,
More faulty the senses from all of the rot
Therefore she cannot.

Option two leaves her growling
When the lioness has been starving
For over 1095 sunsets and nightfalls
She knows she can't stall.

Claws retracted
Tongue still salivating
Pawsteps lead her to turn away from her prey
And away from the game.

Breathe that sweet anticipation,
Lioness darling
Don't let your haughty tracking
Begin to undo you.
Your essence is too great
To succumb to petty grumblings from your tummy
Meat is yummy

Yet the prey disgust me.
Have you ever seen them bathe in the dirt?
I have not and cannot
Let their feces unpure me
So quickly
Too quickly
For me.

Let go to of that girl
Who has only captured my toe.

xx Hugs & Lovin' xx

Anna

Art Propels Me

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_________________2________________

When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.

Difficult and easy support each other.

Long and short define each other.

Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master

acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn't possess,

acts but doesn't expect.

When her work is done, she forgets it.

That is why it lasts forever.

__________________________________

I didn't mention this in my last post, but the version of the Tao Te Ching I'm working with is the Pocket Edition translated by Stephen Mitchell. Also, the Tao Te Ching contains 81 verses, to anyone not familiar with it.

My day started out mundane, but quickly turned otherwise as I decided to have happy accidents. Here's my own definition ©AnnaDTM:

happy accidents: a coincidence that wouldn't have otherwise occurred had you not been in a good mood; a common occurrence otherwise, yet heightened by the high state of mood the accidentee is in.

You know when you find yourself in a good mood, skipping down the yellow brick road, and all of a sudden your luck seems to be up? All the music on your iPhone shuffle seems to be aligning with your mood, you have a great conversation with someone unexpected, that random stranger who you thought was cute smiled and said hi? All of those things happen in a beat and you get home thinking to yourself, "Wow, this turned out to be a pretty great day. I'm beat, I think I'll hit the sack early tonight."

It's like when we feel up and have no room for negative thoughts, our self-care is a little better, our work ethic a little cleaner. But in the end, you can't depend on random occurrences to make your day have a great ending. True happiness and satisfaction derives from within.

From within also lies the power to have a great day. It all depends on your outlook before you begin it.

Recently I found myself browsing a book at Barnes & Noble titled, "What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast" by Laura Vanderkam. I only was able to browse through it, but one main point that I got from the first few pages was the power of giving yourself mornings to regroup. All successful people lead busy lives, full days, and even fuller weekends. So when do they catch a breath? In the morning! At the very beginning of their day!

People work out first thing in the morning, and work happily without tiredness the rest of the day. Why? Because they already did one good thing for themselves today, so if they get stuck at work or in traffic and get home tired and late, they can happily down dinner and wine and knock out! No guilt, no trying to fit in things when you don't have the time or energy.

Now I know it's quite paradoxical of me to be writing this at 1:57 a.m., however I attribute this to my restlessness. Since I've returned home and haven't had the luck of securing a second job, nights have been restless for me. I don't do much during the day, thus in consequence I have a lot of energy to release at night. My Dr.Jekle & Hyde.

Regardless, take this wittle illumination of mine and comment below with your morning rituals. I'm becoming more and more inspired to be proactive in the morning, because I'm convinced a good morning = a good non-mundane day. Even stepping one step outside of your ordinary daily routine can be enough to bring interest into your day.

Good night & good day Sir/Miss.

xx hugs & lovin' xx

       Anna

Honestly, I Don't Know

Honesty. The quality of honesty is one I feel we all seek in other human beings. Especially when beginning new relationships. But what does being honest really mean? 

honest,  -adjective- : 1. good and truthful : not lying, stealing, or cheating.

                               
2. showing and suggesting a good and truthful character.

3. not hiding the truth about someone or something : not meant to deceive someone.

(via Merriam-Webster online)

They should add the word "purposely" to that last bit.

Now, let's be real. We've all been dishonest at some point. I know I have, because there are just some things people don't need to know. I'm for the most part a private person and don't go blabbing my business to anyone who will lend an ear or exposing parts of myself that opens up that door to vulnerability.

I try to avoid being vulnerable at all costs necessary.

But when it comes to the big things, I try my best to suck it up and just say it. Be direct, look'em square in the eyes, speak openly and honestly. Even if I'm terrified, even if every cell in my being is shaking, even if I have no idea how the person I'm opening myself up to will receive it or react. Because there have been one too many times I didn't clearly state whatever was on my mind, then looked back with regret thinking, "Hmm, I wonder if things would have turned out differently if I had told him how I really felt?" 

Sometimes it works out. The action of letting that word vomit come out can actually turn into a nice, empty stomach feeling. No butterflies, no spiders afterwards. With family, being truthful has always led to a good new direction. With friends, it can go either way. With boys, it can go astray. Fairly quickly too.

Honestly, I don't know what the value of being 100% good to someone is when they don't reciprocate it. Haven't quite pin-pointed the purpose of the detached goodness and grace Mother Teresa wore so well. Yet, to know that I didn't hold back and said everything there was to be said is a process that I'm working through. I think in the beginning of a new unstretched territory with a boy, I always go in with the awareness that I'm taking risks. I know that if I hold my gaze to his a little longer, he'll become curious as to why. I know that if I subtly make efforts to touch him at any opportunity, he'll become more comfortable touching back. Yet I also know that when it comes to words, I've been thinking about what I've been wanting to say for a lot longer than he has; thus when I speak I can articulate it, even if I'm shaking to the bone as I do. When he speaks, there will most likely be a lot more fumbling, pauses, "Um"'s "Fuck"'s & "I'm Sorry"'s. 

(Tip: Patience is an important virtue here as well, my friends. I know us girls like to talk, but if we just bite our tongues and shut up for a minute, the awkwardness will pass and he'll say something worth waiting for!)

I lastly know that in the end, I won't always get chosen. We don't always get what we want.

The value of goodness and truthfulness is as heavy as you amount it to be. I give honesty a heavy weight these days. Many people have proven incapable of carrying it, and have seen their way out of my life. But I don't regret holding high standards to this quality. You have to show me all the ways you're capable of being good before I can forgive the bad. Not about to be a sucker for companionship, or allow loneliness to wash over the clarity of my judgement.

No.

Stick to your guns. Go with your gut. And keep your head held high, regardless of all the shit that lies on the ground. It's easier to look down when there's something worth looking up for.

Comment below if any of you have any thoughts to share on this topic, I'd love to read'em.

xx Hugs & Luvin' xx 

Anna

Defeating the Mundane: What It's All About

It's when the air has become stagnant. When you can't differentiate today from yesterday. When you find yourself repeating the same words in response to commonly asked questions. When all your dreams from the past have been completed and it's time to start anew, yet there is nothing around you, object or person, single event or time shift, that motivates those new dreams to become a reality. 

That's the mundane.

Yet those dreams must become a reality. 

As defined by Merriam-Webster via online, mundane has two definitions:

1. of, relating to, or characteristic of the world

2. characterized by the practical, transitory, and ordinary: commonplace

Both are very relevant for this period of transition that I'm in. Being nineteen-years-young of the female variation, I made a very big decision last spring when I decided to leave university on the East coast. Now being back in the suburb of California that I grew up in, I've re-stationed myself for the next year and a half, until I can transition back out.

In order to keep the typical dullness of suburbia from creeping into my life, I have created this blog: Defeating the Mundane. I, just like many other lost young adults out there, am reaching a point in my life where I want to take hold of my youth while it still hangs in reach. I want to know that where I stranded on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, butt-naked with no other life surrounding me, I could survive because I don't need to depend on anyone other than myself.

Now, how to keep my sanity whilst a year and a half of my youth is secured to this small town?

That's what I'm venturing to find out.

Come along with me if you wish to defeat mundaneness as much as I & aim live a life where your Tumblr dashboard is your reality.

xx hugs & lovin' xx 

Anna