Post-Break Up Feels

I know what you're thinking.

"What ?? Already ??? But you said he was your first love!!"

I know. He was. And always will be.

But you have to find peace and love for yourself before you can share that love with anyone else. 
He's got some soul-searching to do.
I've done mine.

I haven't written about the break-up at all since it happened. I think a part of me is ashamed that everything just came crashing down in my face and I was blindsided. Like, I should have seen this coming, but didn't. Or maybe a part of me knew it wouldn't last so I was just clinging to the last few moments we would have together.

It was a nice thought, having a long-term relationship. But I'm over that now.

Don't take this as bitterness, as I'm sure a lot of you will. It's just when you meet your soulmate, you know there is no one else in this world you will want as much as him. 

I'll never meet anyone like you for the rest of my life... I need you.

But it doesn't work out unless they want you back. 

It's just I thought I would be with this guy for a while and now that I'm newly single again ... I don't know. I'm not eager to jump back into the fishing pool of the dating world. Dating is exhausting. So is being in a serious relationship. So for now I'm perfectly content to work on my things, my self, & my work until Prince Charming comes along. I'm pretty sure that won't be for a very VERY long while, so I'll just wait patiently.

Too high expectations? Maybe. But if I don't set them, then who will?

Second Chances

Everyone is deserving of a second chance. I truly believe that.

& yet, it gets harder and harder for me to give them. Because if a person didn't fuck up in the first place, they wouldn't need a second chance, right?

Right.

I'm not gonna sit here and preach to you about having faith in people when there are times that I have felt I've lost all faith in people. Times where I've felt betrayed and stupid for depending on others, and revert back to relying on no one but myself.

But that only works for so long.

I will tell you this, if there's someone you're thinking about giving a second chance to. In life, you won't regret the things you did do. Only the things you didn't do. And that's a fact.

Short & sweet for today

xx hugs & lovin' xx

Anna

Inconceivable Time Lapse

Can't believe it

I can't believe I'm here

& not there.

Every second that ticks by in this room

"Plop", my brain stops producing new cells

Some teachers make me think that being a professor requires vanity.

Vanity to enjoy the sound of their own voice.

My youth is slipping away as I sit here.

Youth is perception.

It can have a fever of 110 degrees that envelops your body & mind.

Age is relentless.

It keeps coming & coming,

Not stopping to ask if we're ready

To advance to the next year

Step up, step down

Reach up, reach down

Can I still start over at 19?

22?

25?

When will the switch be turned

Oh, a huge ominous hand

Shaking it's stern finger at me

Telling me it's time to stop having fun

and grow up?

Grow up

Be young

Whichever way you've gone

I have to go different

Maybe I will grow up one day

Or maybe I'll remain

A trivial loop of finding myself

and starting over.

Come towards me, an unmistakeable

smirk

Believe my anxiety, with all that is your 

girth.

Can I placate this moment ?

Why do you slave me?

I have no magic touch,

no beauty.

You wanna be free

circling, rounding, pounding,

Teaasing, tickling, mumbling

Consuming

And I can almost guarantee in the morning I'll forget

All those beautiful words you uttered,

Under your breath

Blinding me, your love makes me forget.

<3

My Week in Instagram Snaps

I've been obsessed with Instagram for a good amount of time now, so I thought I'd share with you guys what my week looks like in Instagram photos. Follow me @annalereveur. Hope you like xx

Hugs & Lovin',

Anna

Standards vs Expectations

"Whatever it is you're seeking won't come in the form you're expecting." -Haruki Murakami

Being a nineteen year old girl, one of the most exciting things that happens in my life is when a boy comes along. It's what my friends and I talk about: "Let's go dancing, let's go party, let's go clubbing, oh hey did you see that guy walk in? He's cute."

Boys boys boys. It's on our minds constantly, our hormones just won't have it any other way. Besides it's interesting when something new sparks 'cause every person is different and you never know exactly what's going to happen. If THAT's not defeating the mundane, then I don't know WHAT is.

Yet thus far, none of these SoCal boys have seemed to stick. Either I get bored or they get bored or we both lose interest and mutually disconnect. So when I meet someone I really connect to, I have to be careful to maintain my usually cool-nonchalant-don'tcare attitude towards the whole dating thing, for fear I'll fall into a giggly, shy-girl version of myself who shows too much. And it's hard, because for some reason when we're attracted to someone, we lose all sense of self.

When true attraction and chemistry is present between two people, it's easy to get overwhelmed with all the emotions you're feeling, emotions that you're not even sure  you can define. I speak in general terms because I've spoken about this with many of my girlfriends, and they all feel the same.

If some girl who we really connected with walked into our lives tomorrow, would we drop everything after a two hour heads up to be with them?
The answer is no. This girl is a stranger who we barely know. We would take our time to build the friendship until we felt that girl had earned our trust and valued the friendship in a reciprocated way.

So why do we do this with boys? We forget, in the first few weeks of dating, they're a complete stranger too.

I emphasize this sooooo much because recently, a boy whom I was dating made me question my standards for a relationship. And by relationship I don't mean "boyfriend-girlfriend". I simply mean a friendship with a boy where it's obvious that you guys are both into each other.

I don't want to get into the nitty gritty but basically this boy did something which I considered completely rude and it really pissed me off. And I don't get mad easily -- ima yogi. I was really surprised by it too.

After I left him I rethought my actions and wondered if I had been too rash. But then I thought, "If he was my boyfriend, would I have let this slide?"

Uh, no. Definitely not.

If I wouldn't let my boyfriend get away with it, why would I let some guy I just met have a free pass?

My standards aren't unreasonable. I expect you to treat me with respect. That's it. If you can't do that, then byee. Not gonna waste my time with you when I know there's other guys out there who will.

Of course with any new relationship you might hope for your boy to do some special things. Be romantic, say sweet things to you, pick up the check, stuff like that. But those things are negotiable and different from person to person, ever person has their own unique way of showing affection. Those expectations you have for the guy you're dating may not be met, but that doesn't mean he can't surprise you in other ways.

In the end I feel I made the right decision by sticking to my guns, because I value myself too much as a human being to have anyone walk all over me. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, and one day this dude will realize how he fucked up. Will I be around when that day comes? Who knows. But I can tell you this, I'm definitely not waiting around for it. Salsa dancing with the girls tomorrow!

x Happy Hump Day x

            Anna

Trust My Soul

HI GUYS

Here's a poem I started a while ago and just recently added on to. Hope you enjoyyyyy...

Trust My Soul

Trust my soul

Trust it to keep things hidden

Trust it to hold truth

Trust it to want lies

Lies that will unveil the ways undeviated.

Touch your way into my soul

And you will definitely find darkness

Darkness that has gone unpenetrated by light

The biggest lie it craves

The sun goes up and I come down

The stars come out and I'm on the town

Out and about I can pretend I'm alright

My worth has been tied to the books so tight,

It takes all my might to step away

Take a breath, disconnect, let it fall to disarray.

These dreams, hopes, and plans I had

I had it all figured out, had it all in my head.

My determination and smarts had me living a dream

Then it turned to a nightmare, where things look worse than they seem.

Has it been 6 months already?

Damn how fast it goes

When you're sitting at home

Tired and alone

No motivation

To do what I do best.

And I can go on like this cause nobody could care less

No friends or family to make me aware

That I can better prepare, 

For my future.

That I can follow my passion,

Let that be my inspiration

To work hard and feel young

On my way to a life I'll feel I've won.

Yet it's hard to believe in that future

When I'm trapped in a sleepy town

Suffocating in Nostalgia.

Where darkness is all I see, all I breathe.

With Silent Roars, She Let's Go

Why do we bother
With boys who aren't men
And laugh like little hens
At anything that is mildly, remotely,
Inappropriate or raunchy?
Where are the good men?

Who take you out on a date,
Don't dare to be late,
For fear you're left waiting?

When did it become okay
To get drunk & just say
All of those thoughts
Louder and rotten
Than anything sweet
He had said, now forgotten.

It's not okay to joke about me
It's not okay to make me feel like a fool
For having insurmountable dreams
And close in candor expectations.

I will wait.

I will wait until a man
(a MAN, not a boy)
Comes into my life
His words swift & nice,
His actions to match'em.

The struggle?
Oh it's real.
It's constantly there, picking at my heels.

A hungry lioness
Breathes inside me deep inside
She's been hunting for so long,
It's hard to deny,
That hunger, that aching
Deep down in her belly.
She wants to eat now,
Before the weather turns to jelly.

Juicy and thick,
The first bite is satisfactory,
Meaty and warm,
The second goes deeper.
Eager and wanting,
The prey kneels in surrender
In surrender to the lioness
And all of her splendor.

Confronted with two options
The lioness sticks her long neck out,
And back slowly into it's mane.

The zebra was alluring
The deer was endearing
And the elephant, well he was such fun
"Why I can't I just, stick with just one?"

An image she knows not
Sensation seems default,
More faulty the senses from all of the rot
Therefore she cannot.

Option two leaves her growling
When the lioness has been starving
For over 1095 sunsets and nightfalls
She knows she can't stall.

Claws retracted
Tongue still salivating
Pawsteps lead her to turn away from her prey
And away from the game.

Breathe that sweet anticipation,
Lioness darling
Don't let your haughty tracking
Begin to undo you.
Your essence is too great
To succumb to petty grumblings from your tummy
Meat is yummy

Yet the prey disgust me.
Have you ever seen them bathe in the dirt?
I have not and cannot
Let their feces unpure me
So quickly
Too quickly
For me.

Let go to of that girl
Who has only captured my toe.

xx Hugs & Lovin' xx

Anna

Art Propels Me

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_________________2________________

When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.

Difficult and easy support each other.

Long and short define each other.

Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master

acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn't possess,

acts but doesn't expect.

When her work is done, she forgets it.

That is why it lasts forever.

__________________________________

I didn't mention this in my last post, but the version of the Tao Te Ching I'm working with is the Pocket Edition translated by Stephen Mitchell. Also, the Tao Te Ching contains 81 verses, to anyone not familiar with it.

My day started out mundane, but quickly turned otherwise as I decided to have happy accidents. Here's my own definition ©AnnaDTM:

happy accidents: a coincidence that wouldn't have otherwise occurred had you not been in a good mood; a common occurrence otherwise, yet heightened by the high state of mood the accidentee is in.

You know when you find yourself in a good mood, skipping down the yellow brick road, and all of a sudden your luck seems to be up? All the music on your iPhone shuffle seems to be aligning with your mood, you have a great conversation with someone unexpected, that random stranger who you thought was cute smiled and said hi? All of those things happen in a beat and you get home thinking to yourself, "Wow, this turned out to be a pretty great day. I'm beat, I think I'll hit the sack early tonight."

It's like when we feel up and have no room for negative thoughts, our self-care is a little better, our work ethic a little cleaner. But in the end, you can't depend on random occurrences to make your day have a great ending. True happiness and satisfaction derives from within.

From within also lies the power to have a great day. It all depends on your outlook before you begin it.

Recently I found myself browsing a book at Barnes & Noble titled, "What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast" by Laura Vanderkam. I only was able to browse through it, but one main point that I got from the first few pages was the power of giving yourself mornings to regroup. All successful people lead busy lives, full days, and even fuller weekends. So when do they catch a breath? In the morning! At the very beginning of their day!

People work out first thing in the morning, and work happily without tiredness the rest of the day. Why? Because they already did one good thing for themselves today, so if they get stuck at work or in traffic and get home tired and late, they can happily down dinner and wine and knock out! No guilt, no trying to fit in things when you don't have the time or energy.

Now I know it's quite paradoxical of me to be writing this at 1:57 a.m., however I attribute this to my restlessness. Since I've returned home and haven't had the luck of securing a second job, nights have been restless for me. I don't do much during the day, thus in consequence I have a lot of energy to release at night. My Dr.Jekle & Hyde.

Regardless, take this wittle illumination of mine and comment below with your morning rituals. I'm becoming more and more inspired to be proactive in the morning, because I'm convinced a good morning = a good non-mundane day. Even stepping one step outside of your ordinary daily routine can be enough to bring interest into your day.

Good night & good day Sir/Miss.

xx hugs & lovin' xx

       Anna

Defeating the Mundane: What It's All About

It's when the air has become stagnant. When you can't differentiate today from yesterday. When you find yourself repeating the same words in response to commonly asked questions. When all your dreams from the past have been completed and it's time to start anew, yet there is nothing around you, object or person, single event or time shift, that motivates those new dreams to become a reality. 

That's the mundane.

Yet those dreams must become a reality. 

As defined by Merriam-Webster via online, mundane has two definitions:

1. of, relating to, or characteristic of the world

2. characterized by the practical, transitory, and ordinary: commonplace

Both are very relevant for this period of transition that I'm in. Being nineteen-years-young of the female variation, I made a very big decision last spring when I decided to leave university on the East coast. Now being back in the suburb of California that I grew up in, I've re-stationed myself for the next year and a half, until I can transition back out.

In order to keep the typical dullness of suburbia from creeping into my life, I have created this blog: Defeating the Mundane. I, just like many other lost young adults out there, am reaching a point in my life where I want to take hold of my youth while it still hangs in reach. I want to know that where I stranded on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, butt-naked with no other life surrounding me, I could survive because I don't need to depend on anyone other than myself.

Now, how to keep my sanity whilst a year and a half of my youth is secured to this small town?

That's what I'm venturing to find out.

Come along with me if you wish to defeat mundaneness as much as I & aim live a life where your Tumblr dashboard is your reality.

xx hugs & lovin' xx 

Anna