I Gotta Good Feelin'

"No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater... The love we have for each other is greater than these small differences. And that's the key. It's like a pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot." - Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby 

For the first time in my life, I feel like I got my shit together. The school year has started, along with my new job, and along with my new boyfriend. I'm excited for my classes (geniunely) and my office job is super laid back. The only thing that's missing in my best friend who went away to uni this semester. She's only a couple of hours away, but that's a big difference from a couple of minutes away. 

Besides that I'm healthy, happy, and in love. Basically the only three things that really matter in life. I read a quote the other day that said a day not filled with smiles and laughter was a day wasted. I whole-heartedly agree in that.

Remember when your parent, mentor, or whoever told you that as long as you're happy, everything else will fall into place? Well it really is as simple as that. I remember just a little over a year ago when I was super depressed and just wondered when I would be let on as to the secret for happiness. Everyone else made it look so easy and I felt like Alice through the looking glass. It was such a mystery for me.

This year has been a momentous transformative year for me. I've finally become the person I've always wanted to be. And I AM this person, no faking til' I make it anymore. Once when I was having a fight with my mom, I felt like she didn't like who I was anymore because I had made a complete 180 degrees from who I was in high school. And it was heartbreaking for me, because my mom has always been the most important person in my life. I am who I am today largely because of her. Because she always encouraged me to pursue my dreams and never belittled me for the career paths I wanted to pursue creatively.

She always knew I was going to be okay. Then one day, I wasn't. And she didn't know what to do. And I didn't know what to do. So it just became this vicious cycle of depending on each other for emotional support when neither one of us was strong enough to deal with what was at hand.

I used to tell my therapist that I thought I would always live with depression. Even if one day I was happy, it would still be there. Because to me depression was this uncurable disease that no healthy person could possibly understand. Now, being completely at peace and happy with myself on the inside, I realize that statement is not true. Depression is a mental illness that can be cured through mental therapy. Exercising releases endorphins aka the neurons in your brain that make you feel happy. Seriously, once I started doing yoga on a regular basis, I almost immediately felt better. I had to work through some deep, dark emotions that I had been ignoring at first ... but once I was past that I was able to understand the beauty in simplistic aspects of life that we almost always take for granted. Traveling and visiting my family in less fortunate conditions has also made me more appreciative for the basic things such as hot water and a roof over my head.

Being with my first love only came to fruition once I realized that I didn't need him to be happy. That I am happy on my own. I love me. Once he saw that, he realized he wanted to be with me. He doesn't need me either, but both of our lives are filled with so much magical love by being in them.

Art Propels Me

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When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.

Difficult and easy support each other.

Long and short define each other.

Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master

acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn't possess,

acts but doesn't expect.

When her work is done, she forgets it.

That is why it lasts forever.

__________________________________

I didn't mention this in my last post, but the version of the Tao Te Ching I'm working with is the Pocket Edition translated by Stephen Mitchell. Also, the Tao Te Ching contains 81 verses, to anyone not familiar with it.

My day started out mundane, but quickly turned otherwise as I decided to have happy accidents. Here's my own definition ©AnnaDTM:

happy accidents: a coincidence that wouldn't have otherwise occurred had you not been in a good mood; a common occurrence otherwise, yet heightened by the high state of mood the accidentee is in.

You know when you find yourself in a good mood, skipping down the yellow brick road, and all of a sudden your luck seems to be up? All the music on your iPhone shuffle seems to be aligning with your mood, you have a great conversation with someone unexpected, that random stranger who you thought was cute smiled and said hi? All of those things happen in a beat and you get home thinking to yourself, "Wow, this turned out to be a pretty great day. I'm beat, I think I'll hit the sack early tonight."

It's like when we feel up and have no room for negative thoughts, our self-care is a little better, our work ethic a little cleaner. But in the end, you can't depend on random occurrences to make your day have a great ending. True happiness and satisfaction derives from within.

From within also lies the power to have a great day. It all depends on your outlook before you begin it.

Recently I found myself browsing a book at Barnes & Noble titled, "What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast" by Laura Vanderkam. I only was able to browse through it, but one main point that I got from the first few pages was the power of giving yourself mornings to regroup. All successful people lead busy lives, full days, and even fuller weekends. So when do they catch a breath? In the morning! At the very beginning of their day!

People work out first thing in the morning, and work happily without tiredness the rest of the day. Why? Because they already did one good thing for themselves today, so if they get stuck at work or in traffic and get home tired and late, they can happily down dinner and wine and knock out! No guilt, no trying to fit in things when you don't have the time or energy.

Now I know it's quite paradoxical of me to be writing this at 1:57 a.m., however I attribute this to my restlessness. Since I've returned home and haven't had the luck of securing a second job, nights have been restless for me. I don't do much during the day, thus in consequence I have a lot of energy to release at night. My Dr.Jekle & Hyde.

Regardless, take this wittle illumination of mine and comment below with your morning rituals. I'm becoming more and more inspired to be proactive in the morning, because I'm convinced a good morning = a good non-mundane day. Even stepping one step outside of your ordinary daily routine can be enough to bring interest into your day.

Good night & good day Sir/Miss.

xx hugs & lovin' xx

       Anna